Automatic flushing toilets. Yep, that’s what this is :
What if you had a phobia of automatic flushing toilets? I have always wondered that. See automatic flushing toilets (auto-pottys) are starting to appear everywhere. In malls, grocery stores, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, TARGET! Restaurants, Disney World and even BEACHES!!! Someday soon they will make them available to everyone in their home.
I heard that in Japan they actually made auto-pottys that wipe for you! No I’m not shitting you! Seriously, you flush and then water “wipes” your bummy-oley. Dude if they made THOSE kind of auto-pottys available to homes do you know how much time my brother would spend on the toilet?!?!?!
We even found some regular auto-pottys in schools. Wouldn’t that be scary if you had a phobia like that and you couldn’t even potty in school!
Oh man imagine a little first-grader who has to go often like those lil tykes do and then he/she also has Autoflushmatoilaphobia. Dude a lot of “accidents” would happen.
Soon my friends, Auto-Pottys will revolutionize the world, and there is really nothing we can do. Regular “porcelain gods” will become mere antiques, and I don’t know what we’ll do when we have to, hem hem, barf. Maybe they’ll invent barf-bowls that auto flush too! OOH AND rinse your mouth out!
Honestly though, I don’t know who the genius was behind Auto-Wipe’n’Flush-Pottys, but they really don’t have a way to solve the Autoflushmatoilaphobia problem. I can just see the headlines now:
“BROTHER AUTO-FLUSHES SISTER CAUSING AUTOFLUSHMATOILAPHOBIA AT A YOUNG AGE”
“EPIDEMIC ON THE RISE: SWIRLIES WITH AUTO-FLUSH TECHNOLOGY CAUSES RISE IN AUTOFLUSHMATOILAPHOBIA IN YOUNG AMERICANS AND EUROPEANS”
I threw Europeans in for fun.
Well folks stick that in your juice box and suck it!
(C) Copyright by Emily Erhart 2007
*LOL I wrote this forever ago, see I was at a speech and drama meet (you know how those things got your creative juices flowing) and I went into the bathroom to change. Well the toilet was an auto-potty and when it flushed it scared me so bad I shrieked, so it got me thinking what if you had a phobia of auto-potties? And this became my finest piece yet ;)