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Flowers For Adele

"it hurts just to wake up, whenever you’re wearing thin, alone on the outside, so tired of looking in, the end is uncertain, and i’ve never been so afraid, but i don’t need a telescope to see that there’s hope, and that makes me feel brave." > Tidal Wave~Owl City 

            this song is one of the few things that got me through this past summer, i remember the day so clearly

      it was a week from the day i graduated that i got the phone call, i was in missoula staying with relatives and there to watch some friends of mine graduate. it was one of the worst days of my life. i wouldn’t believe my mom at first when she told me, but as she read the article i began to cry, all i could say was “no, no, not Adele, no way, no no.”

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Autoflushmatoilaphobia

Autoflushmatoilaphobia (ah-toe-flush-mah-toy-lah-foe-bee-uh)

Automatic flushing toilets. Yep, that’s what this is :

                 What if you had a phobia of automatic flushing toilets? I have always wondered that. See automatic flushing toilets (auto-pottys) are starting to appear everywhere. In malls, grocery stores, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, TARGET! Restaurants, Disney World and even BEACHES!!!  Someday soon they will make them available to everyone in their home.

           I heard that in Japan they actually made auto-pottys that wipe for you! No I’m not shitting you! Seriously, you flush and then water “wipes” your bummy-oley. Dude if they made THOSE kind of auto-pottys available to homes do you know how much time my brother would spend on the toilet?!?!?!  

             We even found some regular auto-pottys in schools. Wouldn’t that be scary if you had a phobia like that and you couldn’t even potty in school!

         Oh man imagine a little first-grader who has to go often like those lil tykes do and then he/she also has Autoflushmatoilaphobia. Dude a lot of “accidents” would happen.

          Soon my friends, Auto-Pottys will revolutionize the world, and there is really nothing we can do. Regular “porcelain gods” will become mere antiques, and I don’t know what we’ll do when we have to, hem hem, barf. Maybe they’ll invent barf-bowls that auto flush too! OOH AND rinse your mouth out!

         Honestly though, I don’t know who the genius was behind Auto-Wipe’n’Flush-Pottys, but they really don’t have a way to solve the Autoflushmatoilaphobia problem.  I can just see the headlines now:

           “BROTHER AUTO-FLUSHES SISTER CAUSING AUTOFLUSHMATOILAPHOBIA AT A YOUNG AGE”

and:

   “EPIDEMIC ON THE RISE: SWIRLIES WITH AUTO-FLUSH TECHNOLOGY CAUSES RISE IN AUTOFLUSHMATOILAPHOBIA IN YOUNG AMERICANS AND EUROPEANS”

I threw Europeans in for fun.

Well folks stick that in your juice box and suck it!

 (C) Copyright by Emily Erhart 2007

*LOL I wrote this forever ago, see I was at a speech and drama meet (you know how those things got your creative juices flowing) and I went into the bathroom to change. Well the toilet was an auto-potty and when it flushed it scared me so bad I shrieked, so it got me thinking what if you had a phobia of auto-potties? And this became my finest piece yet ;)